Words Matter

There's so many things floating around my head that I want to talk about, that it's really hard to just pick one or two. I'm sure I'll get to all (well, most) of the things eventually, but it's surprisingly overwhelming to sit down with a blank screen and decide what to write. At least today it seems to be. I think it's easier to write when I have something specific going on, rather than just another normal day. Or maybe it's just easier to write when things are tough, and I need to sort through my emotions. Right now, I feel really good. Better than good even! I had a great day at work yesterday, good workout with a friend this morning, noticed my work out shirt is getting a bit too loose, registered for my last year of my B.Ed program (YIKES!), answered a bunch of the emails that have been cluttering my inbox. I'm feeling really confident right now. I think it stems from being in control with eating and fulfilling my commitment to sweat once a day. I still have some of those nagging feelings from my last post, but getting it all out in writing was very.. therapeutic I suppose is the best word. I wish I could bottle what I'm feeling right now and use it for when things are tougher. Sadly, no one has invented that technology yet.

On the topic of tougher times, one thing that I've been thinking a lot about today is word choice. And that the simple words you choose to you reveals more than you often know. Example A: "Last time vs this time." I've said it a lot over the past year, and probably already a lot on this blog. Last time I didn't ..."xyx" this time is different because... "xyz." Is there really a last time and a this time? Is there any benefit in segregating them this way? I always talk about weight loss as a journey, and a life long process. And that's something I believe in strongly. I worry that if I see it as separate times, it's teetering into that dreaded yo-yo dieting territory. First time, last time, this time.. it all leaves room for NEXT time. That's not how I want to see it. It's all a journey. There are ups and there are downs. I've learned a lot in the last 4 years. Yes, 4 years ago when I was starting this journey I had hoped I'd be at goal weight by now. But I wouldn't trade a second of these past 4 years. Ok, no, that's an outright lie there are many moments that I'd love to have done without. But I've learned a lot from those moments. Learned about life, or other people, or mainly myself. I've learned a lot about myself since starting this journey. So from here on out, I refuse to see the years where I gained back weight as a failure. There are a time in my life when things were tough. I know some of the reasons why I gained the weight. I'm sure I'll talk about it more as the year progresses. In fact, I think it will take some serious analysis of those years "in between" to ensure that I stay on the healthy train. 


Argh, see even that. Healthy train. A train is something you can get on and off of. That tells me that there is a still a part of me that is struggling with this. Even though I know how much happier I am when I am being healthy, there's a part of me that doubts. I suppose it's because I've spent way more years being unhealthy than being healthy. Thankfully, the voice is getting quieter bit by bit. Curves Complete really stresses how powerful knowledge is. By learning about food, behaviour and exercise, we naturally will make better choices. Knowing we have the power to change makes US powerful. Thanks to the courses I took to become a Curves Complete Coach, I am so much more knowledgeable about food, exercise and behaviour. I need to remember that. Because it matters. The more I learn, the easier it is to make the healthy choices. When I first started this journey, I was completely dependent on Curves for exercise and counting points (Weight Watchers) for food. Now when I reach for snack, I often think, "Hmm, where am I getting my protein?" 


And now I am off to bed because I am up in 6 and a half hours for the 6am shift. I *need* to get better at early to bed, early to rise during the week. These one off days of early rising are not fun. I hope I don't get the munchies too bad! Hmm, maybe that's what I'll blog about tomorrow.. the connection between sleep and eating. :)