Oh wow, there is so much to update people on and lots to write about, I don’t know where to start. These last three weekends have been filled with fun and excitement...impromptu trip to Comox, lazy days at the park with my little cousins, breakfast and babysitting at the Empress, dinner and dancing with an awesome live band, amazing life changing workshops. I could almost forget that in between my weekends was a whole lot of work, teaching, and learning!
Practicum
Today marked the last day of my final practicum and the completion of my undergrad degree. After six long years
I have my B.Ed! It really is surreal. I remember first year of university like
it was yesterday, and yet I can hardly believe how much has changed since then.
It also seems like yesterday that I was stressing about my
final practicum and worrying about what would happen when I was done. Looking
back now, the time really did fly by. These past 10 weeks have had a lot of ups
and downs but ultimately have been a great learning experience.
I am SO thankful that I was placed at my school. Oaklands
has a great staff, they were so welcoming and supportive from the start; I felt
like I fit right in. One of my favourite parts of the day was wondering into
classes after the kids went home. I spent quite a bit of time discussing
teaching strategies, teacher’s responsibilities, exchanging funny student
stories, and talking about life in general. It was bittersweet leaving today
because although I am truly grateful to be finished, I will miss the staff and
my class tremendously. I know I’ll be back to visit though, which made leaving easier.
Many people know that I’ve been pondering about my decision
to be a teacher for a while now. I kept hoping that after my final practicum
things would be a little clearer. In some ways they are… there are certain
aspects about being a teacher that stress me out and make me feel incredibly
uncomfortable. However, I know that many of those things could be “solved” as I
gain experience. The bottom line is questioning whether my heart is in it or
not. There are a number of things about it that appeal to me, and I do have an almost perverse love of office supplies and pretty teacher things. The aspects that I
enjoyed the most on this practicum have been my connections with other
people. I LOVED talking with my coworkers, and really enjoyed the little
moments with my students. This last week in particular has a special place in
my heart as I watched the excitement in my students’ eyes as we watched baby
chicks hatching before our eyes.
I can see the impact my participation in the Landmark Forum
has had on myself though, which could also contribute to my spectacular week. I
am excited because what I learned last weekend has allowed me to truly feel comfortable
in my own skin, and has me eagerly anticipating this next chapter in my life.
My Landmark Experience
So what is Landmark? I am buzzing with excitement over it. I
signed up to do a course through Landmark because a friend of mine did it and I
saw the impact it had on her life. You may recognize Bri because she’s the
person who inspired me to join BWs and I follow her blog religiously. In fact
while looking to find a way to explain this weekend I looked back to
her blog about it, and it describes it so well, I’m just going to direct anyone
interested to read her blog entry by clicking here.
The Landmark Forum is a weekend course that provides
education on how to live powerfully and live a life you love. That’s their
slogan, not my own words :P But it really is true. The possibilities I am
seeing for my life gives me goose bumps. To sum it up in a sentence: my
participation in Landmark has fundamentally transformed the way I look at my
life.
I have spent the last few months in a frenzy trying to make
sense of my life.
Why can’t I stop turning to food for comfort?
How is my past impacting my current relationships?
How is my past impacting my current relationships?
Why am I still lacking in self confidence even after losing 100
pounds?
Why can’t I be more proud of all I’ve accomplished?
Why can’t I be more proud of all I’ve accomplished?
Why do I put up walls, being vulernable with my friends but
only up to a certain point?
Why do I struggle with accepting support?
Why am I so afraid that people will think I’m crazy if they
see who I truly am?
I want all these things, but how do I get to them?
What do I want to do with my life?
All of this was playing on a constant loop all while trying
to keep up with my exercise routine and being somewhat healthy with my eating
during the most stressful time in my academic career. I get tired just thinking
about it.
I think one of the most important things I have taken away
from Landmark is the futility in trying to “figure things out.” Understanding
why I am responding to something does nothing to help me. It doesn’t change my
actions and all it does is gives me an excuse that the story I’m telling myself is true,
thus perpetuating the situation. It limits my life. It’s human nature so I’m
not beating myself up for doing it, in fact I can now look back on these last
few years with a smile. It’s kind of cute looking at how badly I was trying to
fumble my way through and getting more and more frustrated as time went on. But
knowing what I do now has given me a new way to live my life on a day to day
basis. What excites me most is knowing that it will only get better with practice.
The other amazing thing I have gotten out of Landmark is a
new possibility of an amazing relationship with my sister. Pretty much everyone
in my life knew how much I wish I had a better relationship with her, except
for her. I always said I wanted to talk to her about it but never got up the
courage to do it; I was so afraid of her thinking I was silly or over dramatic.
I’ve idolized her pretty much my whole life so I let the idea of admitting how
deep my insecurities were paralyze me. And by not taking these actions, I
always felt a bit like a fake. I’ve taken great strides to be more authentic
and open wherever possible, and yet in one of the relationships that matters to me the
most, I did nothing. Long story short,
Terri got a phone call from a very teary sister on Sunday morning! We were only able to talk for
a short while, as she was on the bus and I needed to get to my course for 9am,
but I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I am visiting
her tomorrow and I can’t wait to see her.
It’s interesting, because although I am on a kind of an
emotional high, I’m also more present than ever to the amount of effort I will
need to put into life. I know that anything I want for my life is possible, but
I also know I am the only person who can make it happen. And it starts with me
stepping up, following through my word and keeping my integrity.
Things are changing very quickly in my life right now. I start my new job on Sunday and am moving in just under
two weeks. I am looking
forward to a wonderful summer of learning new things, meeting new people and
really taking charge of my life.
