Training for the Half

I realized I haven't been talking very much about what I've been doing to train for the half marathon. Not on here at least. There's so much else I want to talk about that it has been pushed to the side. But I am still training! Today was a short run, just 7km but it was so hard to get myself out of bed and off the road. Hardest time I've had yet I think, I managed to delay it for over an hour before I got my butt moving. I'm always glad I go though, and today was no different. The best part was at about 6km - I started thinking thank goodness this is just a short run, I don't have the energy to do anything longer today. When did 7km become a short run in my head? I have no idea when it happened, but it made me laugh when I thought about it. I knew physically my body was training for the half, but those thoughts show me just how much I'm changing mentally too.

This past Wednesday I had my longest run yet.. I wanted to run 19km but I hit a wall just before 18km and had to walk the rest of the way. The worst part.. the bus stop home was another 2km walk away so by the end it was 20km total. I will admit, by the end of the run I was not the most upbeat person. I was tired, grumpy, hurting and kicking myself because I couldn't do the full 19 I wanted to. Plus there were about 30 teenagers waiting at the bus stop with me and as I'm sure many people have heard me say before.. I didn't like teenagers when I was one.

Thankfully by the time I got home my attitude had changed quite a bit. I was still moaning and groaning to Nicole as I crawled (literally) up the stairs to take a shower, but I was proud of myself. I was about midway through a thought about how I wish I could have run further when I realized.. I still ran over 17km. Sorry to swear, but what went through my head was "that's a pretty big fucking deal." Especially because 4 months ago I couldn't (didn't) run at all. Add in the fact that the day before I started getting the I'll-be-sick-soon-if-I-don't-drink-water-and-sleep inklings - and I would call it a damn good accomplishment.

The 20km was tough for my body though, I can tell that after the half I will be a bit of a mess. Thank goodness my parents will be here for it.. I should probably tell my Dad he has to give me and my sister massages later! :)

I am so excited for this half marathon. My whole family is coming over and we're having Thanksgiving at my big, beautiful house this year. My mom is coming over a day early on Friday so I'll get an extra day with her all to myself too! I am also starting to get apprehensive.. 21km is a really long way and it won't be easy. I wish I had one more month to train. But I don't.. just 8 more days. And everything I've read about half marathons say to take the week before to rest so I can't even consider it another week of training. So I'm as ready as I can be right now. Next Sunday I'll be lined up and off running by 8:30am. Yikes.

Another thought I just had... according to my BMI, I am still obese. Well guess what doctors, you may consider me obese but I'm still going to run a half marathon. Boo yeah.

Here's the course I'll be running... I've done a couple of long runs along Dallas Rd to help prepare me and I'll tell yeah, I am severely dreading that hill along Hollywood Drive.

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Time

It's funny, I was so excited to come home today because while I was biking home I promised myself the first thing I'd do was get my computer and write a blog entry. But now that I am sitting here, there are so many thoughts swirling around my head that I don't know where to start. Do I talk about the amazing conference I went to? Do I gush about how much I love my courses? Or the fact that I pushed myself so hard during Monday's workout that my muscles are still aching? Or maybe the interesting way that packing my food at night has no longer become a challenge, but instead something I enjoy doing?

Perhaps what I'll start with is I didn't realize how much I loved writing blog posts. Lately I find myself itching to get to a computer at multiple points during the day. I want to write about what I'm learning and how my ways of looking at the world are being challenged and stretched. Now that I'm back at school and it's harder for me to carve out time to write, I miss it so much more. I'll admit that when I first started writing, a big part of the reason I loved it was seeing how many people were actually interested in what I had to say. That's still true (because what person doesn't love their inner thoughts and emotions validated) but it is transitioning into something more.  It has become both an outlet for my emotions and a way for me to process what's happening in my life. Due to my writing being public, I try really hard to articulate my thoughts properly. Sometimes I just type and the words come together naturally, and other times it takes me 5 minutes to write one sentence. That forces me to really think about what I'm trying to say and as a result I like to think I'm able to reflect on a deeper level. 

Side note.. how can you tell I've been reading a lot of academic papers? I start to use more educational jargon such as articulate, reflect, transitioning, etc. Anyways...

Today's blog was supposed to be about time. Or more specifically about how as a full time university student trying to work, lose weight and have a social life all at once, time is a precious commodity. I love taking the time to be healthy. I love taking the time to build on my relationships with those I care about. I love taking the time to learn. I love how I feel when I am doing all three of those things at once. But then life gets thrown on top and I feel out of balance. The pressure to work, to succeed, to prove my worthiness in this industrialized, individualistic society is so ingrained I rarely take the time to stop and question it. Oh, and there that words comes up again... time. 

I've realized that it does no good to complain about time. There will never be enough time to do absolutely everything you want to do. Or rather, enough time to do what I want to do by the time limits I set on myself. My courses this semester have me looking at the Westernized culture I'm living in and question whether that's what I really want for myself. I don't want to look at life through the lens of "how much can I cram in at once so I don't miss anything." Always on the go, always rushing as to not be late for the next appointment. For me, I fear that style of life leads a dangerous path back to my unhealthy habits. Which is why I think I'm so nervous for teaching. I see it as being a time consuming and all encompassing career that I'll never have enough time to do properly. I don't want to go back to not taking the time to exercise and eat well.

When I examine that fear though, I see the flaws. My life is so different now. I now know how important it is to eat well and exercise. Not just to be skinny or lose weight, but for my health. I feel the huge physical difference. I also know what it means to eat nutritious food. I know what my body needs to function best. 5-6 small meals a day, protein with every meal, a ton of vegetables and fruit, and no processed foods. The process of eating better has been, well, quite a process! It's amazing to see the difference between what I'm eating now and what I ate even a year ago, when I thought I was being healthy. It wasn't anything radical either, I just made small choices over time, and tried to be open to new foods. My lunch today was quinoa, edamame beans, peppers, cucumbers, onion and chicken. A few years ago, the only two things on that list I ate was cucumbers and chicken (I know, I cringe just admitting it).  

What I was getting at before that tangent is that my fear of teaching leading to a unhealthy lifestyle is a tad irrational. I would bet that my fear has more to do with putting limitations onto myself. Education is a very, very powerful tool and the more I look at what teachers do, the more it scares me. I think part of me doubts I could do it. I suppose that's just par for the course though right? Becoming an adult, living life, contributing to society... It's supposed to be scary and doubting ourselves is a natural reaction. 

My response to this... try to stop worrying about the past and the future and just focus on today. And today includes packing tomorrows lunch, doing the dishes, and finishing my readings for tomorrow. Which, sadly, means my time for reflecting is up! 

And if you really want to keep reading.. here's a link to an interesting article I stumbled across that talks about the relationship between our obesity epidemic and mental health. 

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September Craziness

Wow, I figured I'd get a pretty good response from my last post, but I didn't realize just how much! Thanks to everyone who read it, commented, complimented, messages, texted and called me. Writing this blog really has become a huge part of my journey and I'm glad that I am able to do my part to inspire people to live healthier, happier lives.

Today's post will be shorter because I have a huge pile of homework that is waiting for me (edit: should have been). And it won't be as articulate because I'm pretty exhausted right now. I'm starting to feel more than a little overwhelmed with everything that I want to do. Especially now that I'm back in class and seeing just how much work we have to do. I am loving all of my classes and want to throw myself into them, but it's hard to make the time.

Trying to find a balance is interesting. Exercising is no longer an option anymore, it's just what I need to do, and what I love to do. Healthy eating is still very important, but I'll admit that I've been slipping up a bit more lately. I'm fine at school with my packed meals, but my portion sizes at home are too big. It's mostly healthy stuff but there can still be too much of a good thing. Except veggies, thankfully you can never eat too many veggies.

Something interesting is that this weekend I had many moments of feeling normal. I know, I know, what the heck is normal anyway? I made fun of my self a little bit for it, but still, it's something I couldn't get off my mind. This weekend, I wasn't the fat girl on a weight loss journey. I was just living life. And as Kelly and I talked about in depth, sometimes you really need those days. It was also a good reminder of why I don't want to do every day/weekend. I woke up this morning incredibly tired and a little bit hung over. It was harder to concentrate in class all day and I had very little energy. The best part though, I didn't regret a single thing. I had a fabulous weekend and have some great memories.

What I'd love is one day where I have nothing planned. A day where I can stay at home all day, finally finish unpacking my room, make a ton of food and freeze it, do laundry, take a bath, have a nap, and spend more time thinking about teaching and my plans, etc. Wouldn't it be nice if we were all allowed to have one extra day a month, insert a day between Sunday and Monday? But enough complaining.. It was my choices that led me to where I am now and I wouldn't change any of them. So I just get to live with the busyness for a while until I figure out how to settle things down.

Oh, and since I haven't done this for a while - running update!

I switched to doing my long runs on Tuesdays because the weekends are just too crazy for me. I did a 12km last week, the first 5km along Dallas Rd with one of my roommates, and then ran the rest of the way home. I tried those Gu packs for the first time and found that I actually really liked them! Tomorrow I've mapped out a 15km run along Dallas Rd and then home again. I'm not as far in my training as I had hoped I'd be, but I don't mind. This half has never been about getting the best time. I hope I'm not last, but even if I am.. the fact that I'm doing it is what matters. Next one I do.. that will be a different story :)

Random fun fact: I only take up one seat on the bus now!

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100 Pound Difference

This post technically comes a little late but it's the nature of my life these days. I've been tossing ideas about this around in my head since I hit my milestone last week and it's harder than I thought to write about. I did up this picture comparison to put up at work, but it really put all my hard work into perspective. Seeing the number on the scale and seeing the proof in pictures is a huge difference. I have a printed out one that fills up an entire paper and I've been carrying it around with me. It helps remind me of how far I've come. And I feel like the more I look at it, the more I'll believe it!

Tip: click on the picture to make it bigger

When I put those two pictures up side by side it made me tear up. Why? Because those two pictures represent SO much of my life.

I thought when I looked at the pictures I'd be ecstatic. I've seen so many before and after photos of people and I always find them so inspiring. It's different when it's your own. It is inspiring of course, but it's also just so overwhelming. In some ways I don't recognize either woman.. I kind of denied just how heavy I was before I started this. And now I've lost so much weight that in my head I still feel bigger so when I see pictures it throws me a bit.

I remember when that picture on the left was taken. I was in Edmonton for Western Canada Youth Parliament and even though I was with people I loved and felt safe with, I was so unhappy. I felt gross and frumpy and I knew the pictures would be terrible. Looking at the picture brings such mixed emotions: happiness that I'm not longer there, sadness for what I remember feeling, guilt, shame, unease.. it's all stirring inside me even now. I don't want to focus on the negative feelings, but at the same time I want to acknowledge that they are there. I'm a very positive person and this has been a very positive journey over all, but it's not all rainbows and butterflies now that I'm getting smaller. There is a bit of shame that I let myself go as much as I did. However (since I can already hear Kelly's retort), the more I talk about the shame, the less there is. I know why I got that big, and many of the reasons were outside of my control. I was in coping mode, nothing more, nothing less. As soon as I was able to pinpoint the reason for my out of control eating I changed my life. I can recognize that it took a very strong woman to do that, and be proud of my accomplishments.

Almost every person I've talked to about my weight loss asks me if I can feel the difference. I tend to automatically say that I feel like an entire different person but I'm not sure that's what I mean. At the core of it, I am still me. Family and friends are super important, I want to travel and gain first hand experiences of other cultures, I love food (especially chocolate and peanut butter!), and I still love school. But there are some notable differences...

Physical

• Was a size 28 pants, am now a 16.
• Was a size 3XL shirt, am now a large.
• Before I used to get tired walking to the bus stop.. now I can run 12km and am training for a half marathon.
• I can use the blue kettlebells.
• At Curves, I can get the whoosh on all the machines, BOTH ways.
• The energy! Wow! Million times better. If I need something, I can get off the couch or run up the stairs and not think twice about it. At my heaviest, it took so much more effort to move that I often wouldn't bother.
• I can see my neck, collarbone, wrist bone and shoulder blades.
• Crazy fact I realized when my mom was here: My waist right now is only 1 inch bigger than what one of my thighs was when I started.

Practical/Day to Day

• I pack my food for the next day every night.
• I very rarely eat out, and if I do it's planned and usually good food. Subway is the only fast food place I've stopped in at for dinner for months. McDonalds just makes me feel like crap afterwards. I remember when I was driving up to Caroline's this summer because of my crazy long detour (tip: don't be the navigator and driver at the same time) I had to have A&W for dinner because that was literally all that was available and I was starving. I asked for no sauce and extra veggie on their whole wheat bun and grilled chicken breast... it was so gross and dry and just yuck. Not for me thanks. I am home cooked or decent restaurant girl only now.
• I watch a tiny fraction of the TV that I used to. Instead of watching people live their lives I'm actually out living mine. My entertainment comes from sweating at the gym or hanging out with friends. Castle and Rookie Blue are pretty much the only shows I still watch, and that's because I have friends that I watch it with.
• If it takes me half an hour or less to walk somewhere, I usually chose to walk rather than take the bus. And now that I have my bike - it takes me even less time! :)
• I can shop in a regular clothes store! That means I can go shopping with my friends. I never got to do that growing up because I was too self conscious and by grade 9 had to shop in plus size stores, so I'm excited to be able to do it from now on!

Emotional

• My priorities are more balanced now. Before I'd do a lot of stuff for other people and be so tired when I got time off I'd sit in my room and watch TV all day. Now I spend time with friends, take time to cook, and make exercise and my health a priority. It's not easy and there are still crazy busy days that I don't like, but it's always worth it. 
• I don't let my size stop me from doing the things I want to do anymore. Most notably the Warrior Dash and training for the half marathon.. those are things I would have never considered doing before. I've proven that I can do whatever I want to do, to the best of MY ability. And that's what is important.
• I've stopped using food as a support system. One of my more embarrassing old habits is that when I had a bad day, I would put a scoop of ice cream in the bowl for every bad thing that happened. I told myself by the end of that bowl I'd feel so much better, when in reality I usually just felt like crap for eating so much ice cream. Now when I'm upset, I'll call a friend or go sweat it out.
• I'm not afraid to show who I am anymore. I have always had this need for everyone to like me. I very recently realized that the feeling stemmed from me feeling inadequate. As if I was trying to make up for my faults and prove that I was worthy because everyone liked me. I'm still working on this but I'd say this is the area I've made the most progress in, without even realizing it. All in all, I think I'm a pretty awesome person. I have my faults, sure we all do, but that's the point. We ALL do. There's no point in trying to hide them. I have my faults, baggage, issues and insecurities. The difference? I'm no longer letting them define me. I have people that love me for who I am, faults and all. I always have, really, but I am just recognizing the power of that. If someone doesn't like me, that's fine, they are the ones that are missing out. Just saying. :)
• I am not hiding from my issues anymore. I am facing them head on and dealing with them as they come, the best I can. 
• I am much kinder to myself. Before starting this journey, I'd look in a mirror and think usually all negative thoughts. Now every time I look in the mirror I smile at myself and think "Damn girl, you are looking good!" Haha, ok, that's a lie, it's definitely not every time but it's more and more frequent! 
• I am sharing my thoughts and feelings with anyone that takes the time to read this blog. I've always kept a journal, but it's been something to keep very private. I never really told people what was going on inside my head. I'm much more vocal about my thoughts, needs and opinions. 
• I don't care what I weigh anymore. The past 4 years I've been able to tell you the number on the scale at the drop of a hat. I was always aware of that damn scale. Now, I'd have to consult my book or do some quick math in my head. It's not about getting to a magical number anymore. It's about being fit, healthy and happy. And I am all of those things. As I keep up my fitness, the number will go down. I still have quite a ways to go to my "goal" but I know I'll get there. I'm too determined not to. (Mental note: need to actually set goal now that I'm getting closer to it)

Kind of related to this list, in bootcamp a couple weeks ago they had us do an activity to acknowledge and celebrate how far we had come since we signed up in June. Here was what I wrote:

Since June 2012, I have... started running, done the Warrior Dash, committed to the half marathon and started shopping in "regular" clothing stores.

What surprised me the most was... just how strong I was, how quickly my fitness level improved, that I actually enjoy running, and my waist right now is pretty much the same size as one of my thighs when I started a year ago.

Basically, it can all be summed up in this:

My weight loss journey has been incredible and life changing and more rewarding than I could have ever imagined. And the best part - there's even more to come! :)

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First Week Back

What a whirlwind this past week has been. Between moving, school starting, bootcamp and work I'm amazed I've been able to spend as much time with friends and family as I have! It's funny seeing how small things have changed from previous years. Last year I had all my books organized and assignment page colour coded by this time. Now my books are a mess and my room isn't even fully unpacked, but I have a freezer full of quick meals and food planned for the week.

I am loving my classes so far and I'm excited to dive into them and explore the topics further. There's been years where I've felt the opposite, so I am not taking this for granted. It's also so interesting to see how the classes I'm in reflect my own personal journey. I can make projects in two of my classes focused around health and fitness, and then a third is Outdoor Education. My other two are Indigenous Education and Cross Cultural Approaches to Ed.. both super interesting and topics I'm looking forward to. I think I'm most looking forward to my Inquiry class though. I feel like my last blog post could have been written post class they matched up so perfectly. We talked about how teaching is a messy swamp of problems, and it's our job to navigate through it and be comfortable with the mess. Which is *exactly* what I am wanting to work on. We also talked about how teaching and education is a human experience, not just a set of PLOs to be shoved into our students' brains. I'm excited to see where this goes.

On a side note.. today I signed up for a 10 lb challenge at bootcamp. I put $200 cash in a pot and if I lose 10 lbs in two months then I get my $200 back, plus money from whoever doesn't lose their 10 lbs. If I don't lose 10 lbs, then it goes back into the pot and split amongst those who succeeded. Since I don't have $200 to spare, this is going to be a huge motivator for me. I've lost 23 pounds in 11 weeks, which included my super crazy month of July. So now I just need to keep up with all the healthy habits I've been developing this past year. Eat clean, plan my meals, go to bootcamp. It's easier said than done but I know I can do it!

And totally unrelated note.. I was going through pictures from the summer and found a couple that I forgot to share on here.

There was a time where I couldn't wear these PJs because they were too tight around my thighs. Now I can fit into one leg. Actually, now someone else gets to wear them because they were tossed in the donation pile!!

Not the best quality picture, but I forgot to get a family one with Mom, Chris and I at bootcamp. But at least I have one of the cousins! 

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A Teacher's Passion

I can't believe tomorrow is already the first day of classes. The last first day back I'll ever experience as an undergraduate. It's been a long time coming! Today was really neat though because as part of EdSA, I went to the orientation for the first years. I remember Nicole telling me she got more out of the one last year than she did in our first year, and I definitely agree. It was so inspiring listening to some of the speakers. It reminded me why I went into teaching in the first place. I love teaching and learning, and making a difference in the lives of others. I want to be part of something that changes the world, even if it's just a small piece of someone's world. I'm here to live and enjoy myself, but I don't want to passively go through life.

After today, I realized that I am actually looking forward to being back in classes and learning. Practicum still scares the bejesus out of me, but I'm not dreading it any more. I am feeling much more confident in myself and in my abilities outside of the classroom, which I hope translates to inside the classroom. What I am working on next is being more comfortable with not having all the answers and accepting that I am still very new in this profession. I still get so anxious when I think about classroom management and assessment, but I am finding ways to help ground me. My problem is that I worry and worry, working myself into a thither which in the long run doesn't do me any favours. It only serves to undermine any ability that I do have. I'm not entirely sure how I'll work around that yet, but I know it will only happen in baby steps. I didn't lose all this weight overnight and I'm not going to be able to change how I react to things overnight either. Right now when I catch myself being too harsh with myself when it comes to teaching I remind myself to take a deep breath. Teachers are all people too, we have our own passions, interests, strengths and weaknesses. I do not need to be the "perfect teacher," whoever that mythical person is. Education is all about change and being a lifelong learner. That is the philosophy that I want to embody and share with others, not perfectionism.

This may be a bit too over the top and egotistical, but I'm starting to feel like if I can lose 100lbs, I can do anything. I've dedicated blood, sweat and tears to my weight loss journey. It takes a lot of time and energy and I don't regret a second of it. I'm looking forward to putting MORE time and energy into it. If I can apply that dedication to other parts of my life.. who knows what I can do? And for me, it's all about the small baby steps. I love the quote "success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." I think it is a great representation of my weight loss journey and I want it to be a representation of my career as well.

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ONEderland

I did it! I am officially in the 100's! 

I had the shock of my life when I stepped on the scale this morning at bootcamp. I didn't expect that I'd actually be able to do it before school started. I had accepted that I'd be there maybe in the next two or three weeks, depending on how things went. I was more than satisfied with how strong I am now and what I've been able to accomplish so far. But nope. I got more.. I actually met my goal of getting into the 100's before school started. I stepped on the scale and saw the magical "199.6." I was so shocked and pleased that I actually jumped off it before they could get an official reading and had to step back up again. I was worried that the second time I'd see "200" and kept forcing the air out of my body (while crossing my fingers). But I didn't have to worry though, I was still exactly the same weight. My only regret is Chris (my cousin) is camping this whole week so he wasn't there to see it. Thankfully Jim was quick with his phone and snapped this picture, which I quickly sent Chris' way. And now have to treasure forever. I definitely had a moment when I saw the number. I was so incredibly excited and proud and dumbfounded all at the same time. I'm pretty sure there was some squealing involved and maybe even a little dance of happiness? I can't remember because it was all pretty much a blur, but I had the biggest smile on my face for the rest of the 2 hr workout. I pushed myself extra hard today because I felt like I had unlimited energy.

Seeing my weight start with a "1" for the first time in my adult life

This is another huge milestone for me, because when I started this last June I weighed in at 299.6. That means in 15 months I have lost exactly 100 pounds and am in ONEderland!! In some ways, I can't believe that I have actually come this far. In others, it feels like I haven't really done all that much. Losing 100 pounds sounds so incredible when I hear about other people doing it. But for me, it's just my lifestyle now. It's exercising, eating healthy and not hiding from the tough things in life anymore.

Right now I am sitting in my room looking out at Mt Tolmie and feeling like the luckiest person in the world. I am living in a beautiful, welcoming home. I have two great roommates that I can tell I will have a great time with. I have people in my life that make me feel special and beautiful. I am going to school with a fantastic group of people that I can't wait to see again. I can afford (a lot thanks to my family) to attend a bootcamp that is pushing me further than I ever thought possible. I work at a place that not only encourages me to meet my fitness/weight loss goals, but lifts me up every time I am there. And most of all, I have the most supportive people in my life. I know that losing 100 pounds has a lot to do with my own strength and determination, but I honestly couldn't have done it without the wonderful people in my life. And since I'm feeling sentimental.. here's a shout out to some of the people who have been key players in my weight loss.

Kelly: I mentioned how much I appreciate you in my very first blog entry, but I can't say this enough.. you have been instrumental in my transformation. You have been there every step of the way, supporting me and pushing me at the same time. I've lost count of the amount of times I've come crying to you, and every time you lift me up. You've helped me get through one of the most difficult times of my life and I am so thankful to have you in my life. I know we will always be there for each other, no matter where our lives (and careers!) take us.

Laura: Curves, hiking, swimming, running, tea, Castle, hugging.. pretty much everything I enjoy most in life right now has you in it. I knew from that first EdSA meeting that you would be an awesome friend and I am so thankful we were in the same cohort this year. You lift my spirits every time I see you and make sure that I am having the most fun I can while living life. That's so important to me because it can be easy to just go through the motions sometimes. But you help me to take that break and remember what is truly important in life.

Caroline: You've also been there every step of the way for me, and have seen all my successes and struggles over the last 5 years. You love me for every part of me, and I love it. I hate that you graduated a year before I did. I miss having you to exercise with almost as much as I miss our game/tea nights. But what I miss most is your hugs. They never failed to cheer me up when I need it most. I suppose I also need to thank your other half, since it's partially his influence that had us committing to the do the half marathon together. And April! I can't forget April! I am excited to complete the half marathon, but I am even more excited to see you. Did I mention that I miss you?

Karen, Emily, Sasa: I put all three of you in one because I love our little family. Having you three to turn to has been one of the best things I could ever get out of BCYP. Sadly this year I haven't seen you as much as in the past, but I love that every time we see each other it's like no time has passed. All three of you have played parts in shaping who I am today. You inspire me, you motivate me and you make me a better person. You made me feel so special when you threw me a surprise party this year, especially because you had all healthy food. I remember 4 years ago during one of our long gmail chats, I accidentally let it slip to Sasa that I had joined weight watchers. I had no idea what great conversations that would open up. I know I can tell and ask you three anything and get nothing but support and understanding. On a less serious note, we also share epic loves of BSG, camping and drinking games. Who could ask for better friends? :P

Nicole: Who knew when we sat down next to each other in math class where life would take us? Living with you this year has been awesome. You listen to me ramble, you keep me sane when I start stressing, you share my excitement when clothes are getting baggy, you help me figure out what to wear, and you help me eat the cookie dough. I think I actually enjoyed telling you my results this morning the most.. your face when you figured out what the picture meant made my day. :) I'm so excited for our new place and for all the new adventures we'll have this year!

Mom and Dad: It goes without saying that I couldn't be who I am today without you two. My strength, my determination and my love for friends and family are all traits I get from you. You're always there to help me, whether that be sending care packages, helping pay for weight watchers/bootcamp, moving me into a new home (every single year), helping me through my struggles or celebrating my successes. When I got off that scale this morning, the first thing I did was rush to my phone to call you because I knew above all, you know how much this means to me. You know both how hard and how wonderful this journey has been for me. I am also SO SO proud of us becoming a healthier family together.

Terri: I've always wanted to be just like you, my awe inspiring big sister, but now I'm finding that I can settle for being me and having you as not just as a sister, but as a friend. It hasn't been the smoothest ride for us, but I am so grateful for how much closer we're becoming. I also love that we can share running together.. knowing you can read my stats on MapMyRun makes me move just that much faster! :) I can't WAIT for you, Brian and Brooklyn to stay with me for Thanksgiving and for us to kill this half marathon together!! I also can't wait to come raid your closet.. just give me a few more months!

Chris: I haven't gone too much into detail about you on this blog because for a while I wasn't sure if you wanted me to oust you in front of all the family that reads this blog.  For everyone who doesn't know, Chris is my Mom's cousin and one of the funniest guys I know. But more importantly, he also joined up for bootcamp with me in July and I am SOOO proud of the both of us. I remember back when I was first contemplating doing bootcamp and I asked you to come down to the info session with me.. you were so hesitant! You had every excuse under the sun as to why you couldn't do it. Then I came over for our walk after that first bootcamp I attended and by the time we were back at your place I could tell you were super interested. All it took was a few more minutes of Gi Hee suggesting you should do it and you were checking it out the next day. Pretty sure it must have been Lovisa at the counter because she also got me to sign up for it when I went to "just check it out." It makes me smile remembering on that same walk, the two of us talking about how "one day" we might be able to run. That one day is LONG past already because now we are running our butts off. I love doing bootcamp with you and I am so grateful you signed up. I am SO proud of you and all your accomplishments. Back in July I could out run you easily and now you are the reason I have to push myself so hard! Our friendly competitions are one of the key reasons I've come as far as I have.

My grandparents: Everyone's already heard about my amazing grandparents from an earlier post, but like Kelly they deserve another mention. Especially my Nana and Randy, Granny Lee, and Grandma N. They've been so incredibly supportive - my biggest cheerleaders! I used to send weekly emails to them with my weigh in results and I'll tell ya - that was a bigger motivator than I initially realized! All of my grandparents have also become healthier as well.. I love chatting about health and fitness with them all. And I'm incredibly proud of my grandmas.. Nana, Granny Lee and Grandma N are on their own journeys to healthy living and are great inspirations!

Everyone at BDHQ: The trainers, my BW group, everyone who I've met in the various "regular" classes I've gone to.. everyone is so wonderful. Going there has honestly changed my life. I was really anxious about joining it, not just because of how hard I knew the work outs would be but because of my involvement with Curves. But it's been easier than I thought it would be because they are two very different programs. Curves was wonderful for me this past year, it was exactly what I needed and helped me lose 80 pounds. BDHQ has helped me transition into what I see as the next part of my life. I am strong. I am an athlete. I can do this. All of those things I tell myself now are because of what I've been able to accomplish inside that studio (and around downtown Victoria!).

My members at Curves: working there was been so wonderful for me. Of course, the job is not without it's challenges and frustrations, but for the most part I genuinely enjoy going to work, which is not something I take for granted! I have loved getting to know the members better over this summer... hands down that's the best part of the job. They are so supportive and kind. I had a 70 year old member tell me the other day that I had "QUITE a nice shape" - love it! Becoming a Curves Complete Coach, and all the training that it required, has also played a huge part in my journey. I am so much more knowledgeable about exercise and nutrition now and that's such an important part in sustaining a healthy lifestyle.

Wow, this took me a lot longer to write than I thought it would, because every time I thought I was done I'd remember something else or remember another person. Isn't that a nice problem to have? Having too many wonderful people in your life you can't remember to thank them all? There's so many people here I haven't written about that have been a big part of my life at various moments.. Cindi, Kailey, Emily W, Coreen, my coworkers at the daycare. I feel like I could write a book about all the wonderful people I've had in my life already, and I'm only 23!!

And also, thank you to everyone who is reading this blog. Writing has always been a great outlet for me, but I was very nervous about posting this on my facebook. I am so glad I have though, because it's pushed me to be more open and honest. It's also a great motivator, knowing that others are aware of what I'm doing (and when I'm not posting!). Every time someone tells me they enjoy reading my blog I blush and get a rush of pride. I know it's one of the deadly sins and all that, but I'm trying to get better at taking compliments, isn't that a good thing?! :) So happy to be where I am today. This has been a life changing summer, and I'm so excited for the rest of the year to unfold.

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