Attitude

Wow, hard to believe another month has flown by! I didn't mean to take such a long break from blogging, but I just haven't been in the mood to sit down and write lately.

Today's post is inspired by a quote I saw (on pinterest, of course!)

Tomorrow marks my last class of my Education degree. It's hard to believe that after 6 long years the end is finally in sight. After this, I have an 8 week practicum and then for the first time in 18 years I don't have plans to go back to school in September. It feels incredibly strange. And overwhelming thinking of applying for jobs, finding a place to live, and other important life decisions.

I haven't been coping so well with the upcoming end. In the past I haven't done so well with endings. Or change. But this past week has helped to clear my mind a bit. I've changed a lot in the last few years. I need to start trusting myself more and recognizing all the hard work I've already invested.

People keep asking me what my plans are after I graduate, and it was getting harder and harder to answer that question without feeling guilty or anxious. That all stops now though. I have a game plan.

Step 1) Attitude change. Rather than feeling overwhelmed with all the choices I have to make in the next few months, I am choosing to be incredibly grateful that I have the opportunity to make these choices. I will be a university grad. I have already shown that when I have a goal, I am determined to meet it. Small efforts repeated day in, and day out. My life has completely changed over the last two years, and I'm so happy with the results. I have faith that it will only go up from here.

Step 2) Rock my practicum. And by rock my practicum, I don't mean impress the heck out of everyone with being super student teacher. I mean be true to myself, try my best, love my students, and embrace the wonderfulness of not being perfect.

Step 3) Create a system for those days that I know practicum will be tough. This includes motivational pages full of quotes that remind me to relax and let go and also planning board game/card nights with my friends to help keep me grounded.

Step 4) Continue with the Biggest Winner program. Before Christmas I made the decision to stick with BW for another year (at a discounted price, woot woot!) and I am so happy that I did. It's a wonderful group of people and I am thriving in the positive energy.

Step 5) Complete the Landmark Forum. More on this later.

Step 6) In April, celebrate being finished practicum, find a place to live and find a job. I recognize that these will probably need to start happening before practicum actually finishes, but I am not super concerned about them right now, I need to focus on planning for my practicum right now.

Step 7) Spend a few months in Victoria, working and just living life. I don't know where yet, but I know I want to stay in Victoria, at least for a little while longer. After practicum I can look at my options, and where I want to go, and what I want to do with my life. I'm 85% sure that will include teaching abroad for at least a year or two, but who knows.

This month has been about learning to take deep breaths. I am usually a very planned, scheduled person but I am choosing to let go of some of that control. To just enjoy life. I am so looking forward to not being in school, to be living and have free time to explore my interests. I'm looking forward to my life as I've created it now. Trying new fitness challenges... another half marathon? Tough Mudder? There's so much in my life to be thankful for and excited about.

My next challenge will be putting this attitude change into effect day in and day out. It's one thing to sit on my couch and proclaim to myself "I'm going to be different from here on out!" It takes a lot more effort to follow through. But I am strong, I am determined, and I love being happy. When I find myself feeling overwhelmed, I will close my eyes, take a breath and say "This is home."

(Yes, I've been playing this song on repeat pretty much all night. I'm not ashamed to admit it! Ok, maybe laughing at myself a little bit for being such a dork, but I love the song, and what it means for me.)

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2012: A Year of Transformation

I've been largely absent the month of December, I apologize. I could make a ton of excuses but none of them really matter. I couldn't, however, let today end without reflecting on 2012.

2012 was definitely a record breaking year for me. I had a few lows, but a ton of highs.

• With the help of my family and close friends, I continued working through my emotional issues. I stopped being afraid to talk about the hard stuff, I opened up and finally let people see the true me. 
• There were a couple of incidents this year that literally thrust my past right in front of me and instead of hiding away and eating food to cope, I leaned on my support system and I became a stronger person for it.
• I had a tough practicum that put me through the loop, but I turned to exercise and friends instead of food when I felt at my lowest. I discovered a lot more about myself than I thought I would and have used that to help guide me in my healing process. I also made a great contact which led me to my current wonderful home. :)
• I took a 30 hour course through Curves to become a Curves Complete trainer and worked one on one with more than a dozen people on their own weight loss journeys through the summer. 
• Things really began to change for me when I joined BDHQ's Biggest Winner Program. I discovered that I was stronger than I ever thought possible and that I could do anything I set my mind to.
• I started this blog - self explanatory.
• I completed both the Warrior Dash and a half marathon, proving that my weight does not hold me back from anything.
• I started dating, which for those who know me well know that's a huge deal. My lack of self confidence and self worth when I was at my heaviest led me to be extremely awkward around anyone of the opposite sex. I grew up surrounded by women, both in my family and my friend groups, so I had no idea how to act normal around guys. Thanks to the amazing summer I had, I feel like such a difference person and have no problem showing most people who I really am, regardless of their gender.
• I met two HUGE milestones - 100 lbs lost and I hit ONEderland.
• Sadly, I had to quit my job at Curves in October. I started feeling too over whelmed with everything and made the scary decision not to work during my last year of university.
• I fit into my friends and family's clothes now. The biggest milestone was when I fit into Kelly's old clothes - they still make me feel like a million bucks when I wear them.
• I started shopping in regular clothing stores. Just yesterday I went with one of my roommates to Forever 21 and bought a few things. It wasn't until I got back that I realized I never once thought that I wouldn't be able to fit into their clothes. That was the first time in my life that I have gone shopping with a friend and not been a nervous wreck. It felt wonderful.
• I've inspired my family as well, both my parents have lost a significant amount of weight as well by making healthy choices in their own lives.
• I went blonde! After all, blondes have more fun ;)
• For the first time in my life, I am truly putting my health first. Body mind and soul, I come first now.

Wow, once I started listed that all out, that looks like a pretty stellar year!! I'm looking forward to what 2013 will bring. I haven't made any New Years Resolutions because I find they don't work for myself. Instead, I'm working on a goal list to see me through this next year. Once I finish it I'll post it on here. Some big life changes are ahead but I am no longer afraid of change. I am looking at life straight on, excited to be where I am and who I am. 

I wanted to do a one year photo comparison, but apparently I didn't take many pictures last Christmas! The best one I found that showed my whole body was from February 3.

And here is me this Christmas, with my sister and cousins.

4 beautiful girls, inside and out! <3 

I ended 2012 with a smaller body and a much bigger, brighter smile! A friend of my mine said this in her blog today and I think it is a great way to sum up my goals for 2013:

Let's inspire each other to be who we really are - for that, my friends, is always enough.

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