Time

It's funny, I was so excited to come home today because while I was biking home I promised myself the first thing I'd do was get my computer and write a blog entry. But now that I am sitting here, there are so many thoughts swirling around my head that I don't know where to start. Do I talk about the amazing conference I went to? Do I gush about how much I love my courses? Or the fact that I pushed myself so hard during Monday's workout that my muscles are still aching? Or maybe the interesting way that packing my food at night has no longer become a challenge, but instead something I enjoy doing?

Perhaps what I'll start with is I didn't realize how much I loved writing blog posts. Lately I find myself itching to get to a computer at multiple points during the day. I want to write about what I'm learning and how my ways of looking at the world are being challenged and stretched. Now that I'm back at school and it's harder for me to carve out time to write, I miss it so much more. I'll admit that when I first started writing, a big part of the reason I loved it was seeing how many people were actually interested in what I had to say. That's still true (because what person doesn't love their inner thoughts and emotions validated) but it is transitioning into something more.  It has become both an outlet for my emotions and a way for me to process what's happening in my life. Due to my writing being public, I try really hard to articulate my thoughts properly. Sometimes I just type and the words come together naturally, and other times it takes me 5 minutes to write one sentence. That forces me to really think about what I'm trying to say and as a result I like to think I'm able to reflect on a deeper level. 

Side note.. how can you tell I've been reading a lot of academic papers? I start to use more educational jargon such as articulate, reflect, transitioning, etc. Anyways...

Today's blog was supposed to be about time. Or more specifically about how as a full time university student trying to work, lose weight and have a social life all at once, time is a precious commodity. I love taking the time to be healthy. I love taking the time to build on my relationships with those I care about. I love taking the time to learn. I love how I feel when I am doing all three of those things at once. But then life gets thrown on top and I feel out of balance. The pressure to work, to succeed, to prove my worthiness in this industrialized, individualistic society is so ingrained I rarely take the time to stop and question it. Oh, and there that words comes up again... time. 

I've realized that it does no good to complain about time. There will never be enough time to do absolutely everything you want to do. Or rather, enough time to do what I want to do by the time limits I set on myself. My courses this semester have me looking at the Westernized culture I'm living in and question whether that's what I really want for myself. I don't want to look at life through the lens of "how much can I cram in at once so I don't miss anything." Always on the go, always rushing as to not be late for the next appointment. For me, I fear that style of life leads a dangerous path back to my unhealthy habits. Which is why I think I'm so nervous for teaching. I see it as being a time consuming and all encompassing career that I'll never have enough time to do properly. I don't want to go back to not taking the time to exercise and eat well.

When I examine that fear though, I see the flaws. My life is so different now. I now know how important it is to eat well and exercise. Not just to be skinny or lose weight, but for my health. I feel the huge physical difference. I also know what it means to eat nutritious food. I know what my body needs to function best. 5-6 small meals a day, protein with every meal, a ton of vegetables and fruit, and no processed foods. The process of eating better has been, well, quite a process! It's amazing to see the difference between what I'm eating now and what I ate even a year ago, when I thought I was being healthy. It wasn't anything radical either, I just made small choices over time, and tried to be open to new foods. My lunch today was quinoa, edamame beans, peppers, cucumbers, onion and chicken. A few years ago, the only two things on that list I ate was cucumbers and chicken (I know, I cringe just admitting it).  

What I was getting at before that tangent is that my fear of teaching leading to a unhealthy lifestyle is a tad irrational. I would bet that my fear has more to do with putting limitations onto myself. Education is a very, very powerful tool and the more I look at what teachers do, the more it scares me. I think part of me doubts I could do it. I suppose that's just par for the course though right? Becoming an adult, living life, contributing to society... It's supposed to be scary and doubting ourselves is a natural reaction. 

My response to this... try to stop worrying about the past and the future and just focus on today. And today includes packing tomorrows lunch, doing the dishes, and finishing my readings for tomorrow. Which, sadly, means my time for reflecting is up! 

And if you really want to keep reading.. here's a link to an interesting article I stumbled across that talks about the relationship between our obesity epidemic and mental health.