Grandparents

The last few days have been pretty tough. Two of my grandpas have been in the hospital (funny enough in rooms right next to each other!) and every time I get a call or text from my family, it's always worse news. Today I got the worst call of all. One of my grandpas probably won't be making it through the night. I'm on the ferry right now, praying that I make it home in time. My emotions are all over the place.. from incredible grief, to relief that his pain is almost over, to stress of work I'm leaving behind, to worrying about missed workouts, to love for my family. I can't just settle on one so it seems. The next few days will definitely be a test for my still fresh habits. But I am determined not to turn to food for comfort. I know the instant gratification of sugar to my lips will be replaced with feeling sick. Sick both from the fact that my body is not used to sugary crap anymore and sick emotionally because I've been working so hard to break my unhealthy dependency on food.

I am sad because I'll be missing my bootcamp and Curves workouts, but I am still determined to find a way to exercise while I am home. I know going for a walk/job will help to clear my mind and make me stronger.

The thing that scares me the most is that I know even after this, I have so much more grief to come. I have 9 grandparents still living. All my grandparents divorced and remarried before I was born, and I have a set of great grandparents. I have only ever lost one grandparent, my Papa. Who I was incredibly close with and still miss to this day. It pains me knowing the pain I will be going through as I lose each one of them, but I would never in a million years trade that if it meant giving up my memories. So, in honour of my grandpa, this post is dedicated to my wonderful, wonderful grandparents.

Papa: he was an absolutely incredible man. I loved him so much and have so many great memories with him. He was always laughing, always smiling, always giving everything he could to his family. He was also always ahead of his time.. I remember playing video games on his computer before most kids even knew what a computer was. And because of him, we have some great family moments caught on tape. I remember the first time I realized Papa was "human" though, was when I found out a few years after he died that he smoked when he was younger. Shocked me and I mentally scolded him. But from Papa, I learned how important a simple smile can be. I know without a doubt that my tendency to always have a smile on my face comes from him.

Granny Lee: Granny married Papa sometime before I was born and is one of the main reasons I know without a doubt that you don't need to share blood to be family. She's always been one of my quirkier grandma's, and I wouldn't have it any other way. With Granny, I can always be myself. The good, the bad, the moody, the irritable.. she's seen it all and loves me just the same. Visiting Granny usually means lots of laughing, some serious conversations, walking along the beach, touring the garden, making something crafty after I finished picking through her piles and piles of fabric, and crying to Moulin Rouge over a glass of wine and bowl of moose tracks ice cream. And Granny, sorry for using a run on sentence to describe our visits, I couldn't resist. :) Thank you for always making sure I treasured my family, and understood just how important unconditional love is.

Nana: I always like to say that my mom is a less intense version of her mom and that I am a less intense version of my mom. That should give you some insight :) Nana is smart, creative, energetic, dedicated, determined, and crazy about her family. From Nana, I've learned that no matter how busy you are, you drop everything to help those you love. I've also learned how to throw a pretty good party. While I admit I hope I never have the extensive serving dish/cutlery/cup collection that she has, since she basically furnished my entire kitchen I can't complain. Because I've grown up watching Nana, I am not afraid to ask strangers for what I need. If a friend/family is in the hospital, I will go talk to the nurses. I will make things happen. And I will be *nice* about it, not rude. (Unless of course it's someone who is being completely irresponsible. I'm still working on my Nana stare, it's pretty close). What I've probably learned most from Nana though, is to always, ALWAYS buckle up for safety. ;)

Randy: Everyone finds it funny when I call him "my Randy." But to me, Randy is just another synonym for Grandpa. I won't go into the reasons why I don't call him grandpa, I wouldn't want to push my Nana's apparent sensitivity to the age difference. :P But if I can't get a hold of my Dad, Randy is always the next person I call. In typical man fashion, he has helped talk me through car troubles and fix various broken things around my house. We've also had great conversations over the dinner table.. whether it be teenage brains, governmental policies or the latest research on whatever medical issue is currently ailing a family member. I'm always amazed at the depth of his knowledge, and enjoy all of our conversations. From Randy, I've learned to appreciate hard work, patience and above all, love for family. My only regret is that I don't actually have his genes, because I'd love to be taller!! :)

Grandma Bysouth: Grandma is Randy's Mom, so "technically" we're not related by blood. But like I said, blood doesn't matter in our blended family. When we love, we love with all our hearts. And Grandma certainly lives by that. Always smiling, always full of love. That's how I picture her every time I think of her. I remember when they lived at their old, gorgeous house along the Nicomekl River. That will always be one of my favourite places in the world. We cousins also knew exactly where the neat "old dolls" were kept in the crawl space and grandma was so great about letting us play with her precious dolls.

Grandpa Bysouth: Unfortunately, this Grandpa is one of the ones in the hospital right now. He is not the one I'm rushing home to see, but I am still very worried about him. I am so, so proud that I can call him my grandpa. Anyone who's involved in the community in Langley City knows Eric. Always writing editorials to the papers, on so too many committees to remember, winning awards for service left right and center, Grandpa B taught me how important it is to give back to your community. Just the other night he was one of 60,000 Canadians given a Queen Diamond Jubilee Medal in honour of his service. How cool is that?!?!?


Grandpa Bowles: this one is tougher for me to write, because of all my grandparents, he is who I see the least. I suppose it's harder for me to not be as close with him and Gma Bowles because I have such great relationships with all my other grandparents. But I remember spending time with him growing up, always wanting to play in his enormous back yard. Which, I am sad to say, is now a Canadian Tire. Every time I drive past it I glare at whatever vehicle I decide is "parked on top of Grandpa's house!"

Grandma Bowles: While I don't have very many recent memories with her, I will always remember the time I spent with her when I was a child. We'd go over to their place all the time, and I would sit on a stool in their basement and watch as she painted such beautiful work. I can't quite describe what it is she painted.. wooden ornaments that people would put in their gardens or on their shelves? If that makes sense? I still have the blue fairy she painted for me in my room at home and I will always treasure it.

Grandma Nickel: I so love this woman. Birthday parties were always split between my cousin, me, and Grandma N because our birthdays are on the 6th, 7th, and 8th respectively. But I never felt put out because of this. I felt special. Because I got to share my birthday with my grandma, and since I was younger I usually got to sit in her lap to blow out the candles :) (when I was younger of course). So many wonderful memories growing up. I still miss that house in Surrey. It was with Grandma N's help that I developed my money and service skills. I'd always help her with her First Avenue Jewelry shows.. either as a greeter or the accountant. And I loved every minute! Fast forward to the last couple of years and I can't decide what my favourite thing is about her. My top three: 1) her quiet and calm way of loving; 2) she always stays in touch. I can be so terrible about calling/emailing, but without a doubt at least once a month, I will have an email from Grandma wanting to know how I'm doing, and offering up stories of her own life. It always lifts my spirits; 3) her strength. As I've grown older, I've learned more about what my Grandma's life was like before she met Grandpa N. The fact that she is who she is: strong, loving, forgiving.. just blows me away. From Grandma, I have learned that if you believe in yourself, your family and your faith, that you can survive anything and come out happier on the other end.

Grandpa Nickel: This one is the absolute hardest to write, which is why I suppose I left him for last. Grandpa is who I am hoping I get to see one last time. Growing up, Grandpa made the best crepes around. Even to this day, I've yet to find one I enjoy more. I had no idea how painful it would be to realize I'd never hear him crack another joke. Or snap beautiful pictures of the family. Or see his beautiful dahlias for sale at Ralphs. There's so much more that I should say about him, but I can't because I don't want to be the blubbering idiot on the ferry.

It may seem out of place to talk about my grandparents in so much detail on this blog, but when I think about, it makes perfect sense. My grandparents were my role models growing up. They are as much as part of me as my parents are. I'm a complete sap for family and a large part of that is growing up surrounded by them. And now, as I go through my journey of figuring out who I am and living a more healthy lifestyle, my grandparents are my biggest supporters. It's important to have people in your life that believe in you and I am so fortunate to have so much unconditional love. I am terrified of losing them, and it only gets scarier as I get older and realize how much I will miss them. But that is life. That is why we have to make every moment count. For me, death is always a reminder of what is important in life. Will I always remember that I missed a training session at work? No. Will I always remember the time spent laughing with the people I love? You betcha. I want to be healthy so that one day when I have a family of my own, I pass on on healthy habits. As a society, we are so much more aware of the health issues. Some say that we are too aware and can't enjoy life anymore. I say that one of the most important things you can do is build a healthy relationship with food. Don't look at it as the enemy. Look at it as the vehicle for fuelling your body so that you can be the friend, parent, child, sibling, cousin, and grandparent that you want to be.