A formal comparison

It's been a little while since I've posted anything, mostly because my thoughts right now are just too all over the place. For once, I'm not in the head space to write! Instead I will share some pictures. I moved out of my parents house over 5 years ago.. but I only just went through all the stuff I had left there. It's been quite a process and my poor parents were left to deal with everything I didn't keep (sorry and thank you again!) There were lots of great moments sorting through my life, but I think the best was finding my old grad dress. Needless to say I had to try it on... the results were too shocking to not share.

There was no way it would stay up without me holding it! It was a tent on me.

After I took my old dress off, I saw my sister's and thought "There's no way. None. Absolutely not. But ... maybe?" I was literally shaking with anticipation when I unzipped the bag and put the dress over my head. Then I reached around for the zipper.. and it went up.. and up.. and up - until it reached the top!! It fit. I won't lie.. I think I shrieked and did a little happy dance. When I ran downstairs to show my parents my Dad snapped this picture of me:

End of high school vs nearing the end of University. The second picture is a little blurry but what gets me teary
eyed is seeing the difference in my smiles. And perhaps the awkwardness of never knowing to do with my hands. :)

Looking back at that moment makes me shake my head in wonder. I am still in shock that it fit me. I remember seeing Terri wear this dress back when she graduated and thinking she looked sooo beautiful. Well the dress fit me, so obviously I'm close enough to the size she was. Why do I pick myself apart? Lately I've been looking in the mirror and scrunching my nose at my body. The lower stomach. The stretch marks. The thighs. The jiggle. The back roll.

I want to start being kind to myself again. These pictures have reminded me that I've come SO far. And that I am actually proud of my body. I do love it. Even when I'm picking it apart, there are certain things I can't help but notice. My small waist, the beginnings of definition in my arm, the proof that squats are in fact making a difference to my butt! But more than that, I love what my body for what I'm able to do with it. I can do multiple boy push ups. I can use the yellow kettle bell now. I can run 30 minutes without stopping. I ran a half marathon! I'm using the nutrients from my food to build stronger muscles all over my body. I can give great hugs. These are the things that matter to me, far more than any number on the scale or "small" body part.

I'm going to remember this tomorrow when I see the "damage" of what a week of indulging leads to. Last week a friend of mine wrote a post about taking away the scale, I am tempted to do that as well. Add it to the list of things swirling around in my head I suppose! To deal with in December once school is done. For me, the goal these next two weeks is to survive and to maintain.