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Monday, August 13, 2012

Making a U-Turn


Weight’s up this week, which although it annoys me doesn’t surprise me. It’s frustrating that I was up even though I worked up a sweat for at least 45 minutes every day last week. It just goes to show that it doesn’t matter how much you exercise, if you don’t watch the food intake, nothing will budge.

The other annoying bit is I wasn’t even that bad and I still gained a whole pound. I didn’t stuff my mouth with chocolate, cakes or decadent food at all (to be honest the only reason I didn’t is that there wasn’t anything bad in my house TO eat). But if I had, at least then I’d have still have delicious taste memories to relive. Nope, after reflection, this is what I’m blaming my weight gain on:

1) Switching from afternoons to mornings at work was harder than I thought. I am just not designed to wake up at 4:30am every morning. Between 5 and 6 I could handle, and even learn to enjoy.. but before 5am? Not for me. It spent all week trying to be in bed for 9pm but never seemed to make it there before 10pm.

2) Not sleeping enough = hormones out of whack = tired = bad food choices. I had so many more cravings this week than normal. The only two unhealthy foods I had left in the house was a fiber one granola bar and a batch of hot chocolate mix. (note the paste tense) One night this week I actually spent 5 minutes searching the pantry, in disbelief that I didn’t even one thing stashed away somewhere.

3) Not having enough vegetables on hand. I’ve been having a lot of fruit as snacks.. yogourt and fruit at work and then fruit smoothies in the afternoon. Which yes, fruit is healthy, but there’s still tons of sugar in them. So I’m going to go back to fruit with breakfast and only one snack. I made my own hummus yesterday so I’ll cut up all sorts of veggies to go with it.

4) Not eating enough. My eating schedule was thrown off and in my attempt to “be good,” I tried to fight against my cravings. That usually ended up with me caving and eating frozen grapes, hot chocolate or fried eggs. Which in the long run isn’t the worst for me, but when you’re eating that an hour before bed…

5) I also wasn’t tracking my food properly. I’d right it down, but usually not until the next day. Then I’d look back and think “Oh, of course I was starving at 7pm!” If I had just had a salad or a snack rather than trying to convince myself my hunger was just boredom, I’d have been much better.

6) Having my life revolve 100% around weight loss. July was so busy with family and running around that I didn’t have time to think and was just on autopilot making good choices. The past two weeks I’ve had more free time but I realize it didn’t seem like I did. If I wasn’t working at Curves or working out, I was reading weight loss blogs, reading books about food, searching for recipes or cooking or washing dishes from all the cooking/eating. It was too much and I’d like to have a better balance in my life.

Basically, it was all rookie mistakes that I’ve done before. But I’m not going to let it derail me from my goals. It was a good learning week :) And now my head’s back in the game.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Food for Thought

I'm reading a fascinating book right now, called Food and Fuel: Solutions for the Future. It contains chapters from various smart sounding people writing about energy and food scarcity. I won't deny that some of it is above my head and I may have skipped a few chapters to the ones that actually interest me, but I am really enjoying what I am reading.

The chapter that spurred my thoughts the most so far is called "Diet for a Smaller Planet: Real Sources of Abundance." I know enough to feel guilty every time I have to throw mushy food away, thinking of all the starving people in the world. This chapter really hit home though, on just how big the gap is between the hungry and the over fed, all over the world. Some of my favourite quotes:

"Most glaring of all is that our food crisis is not a crisis of scarcity. We already produce enough food to feed the world. In fact, we have grain alone to provide nearly 3,000 calories per person."

"No, the root of the tragedy is not the scarcity of food; perhaps it has never been. Rather, hunger is caused by a scarcity of democracy."

"And in the Global South, India - a country with all the normal trappings of democracy - has the world's greatest number of hungry people. Half the children under the age of four suffer from malnutrition, while surplus grain pours out of over-full warehouses."

"Worldwide, we now feed almost half of all grain to livestock that return to us in meat only a tiny fraction of the nutrients we feed them."

Reading this book reminds me of how young I am. And how little I know of this world. I am longing to travel and see other cultures and see the devastation in the world. The devastation is a strange longing, I know. But I want to experience these things first hand rather than reading about them in a book. I want to spend less time worrying about how my ass looks in jeans and more time on what really matters. I also want to gain a better appreciation for what I have. I know how fortunate I am, with my iPhone, my own housing, my cat, my access to education.. but I don't really know. I've never had to live without these things. I've always had a roof over my head and a loving family to support me with what ever I need. I'm tired of the way things are right now. I want to change. I want to see the world and have it change me.

Selfishly, I've also thought a lot about how it's added another layer to why I know I won't ever go back to what I used to do. I used to gorge on whatever food I could, eating so quickly I could barely taste it and eating so much that I felt gross afterwards. But I really only need a certain amount of calories to keep my body functioning at it's optimal level. I've been doing really well this past year, and especially this past month, at having 5 small meals a day. But lately I've been feeling hungry between those meals as well, looking up at the clock and counting down to when I can eat again.

I need to stop that. I need my life to stop revolving around food. There is so much more to life than that. Reading books like this one reminds me how trivial my worries are. It doesn't mean they're not important to me, but it helps to remember that it's not the be all and end all. Who the hell cares if I eat something I'm not supposed to? Or if my clothes show off my newly found curves enough? Definitely first world problems.

I don't think I'll ever get to the point where food doesn't matter at all because, let's be honest, I love food too much. I enjoy all the new tastes as I experiment with recipes and new foods. But I would like to stop looking at the clock, waiting until I can eat again. I want food to be the tool that helps me live my life and give me the energy to accomplish the goals I've set for myself, not completely take over my day.

I can't wait to graduate and start my travels. It's going to be a tough year, but I hope I don't get too caught up in life/school/practicum. What I'm really looking forward to is taking my teaching certificate and having it open doors for me to teach in other countries. I'll probably have to teach in Korea or somewhere similar so I can pay off my student loans first. Ideally some time in my 20s, I'll be financially stable enough to travel where I want to, and volunteer in various countries. Half Sized Teacher teaching around the world and gaining a new outlook on life? Now that sounds like a damn good plan.

Also a good plan... actually getting to bed by 9pm so I don't feel like throwing my phone at the wall when it goes off at 4:30am. Ah well, I'll be better next week! Then it's back to afternoons at work :)

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Warrior 2012!

I meant to post about the Warrior Dash as soon as I got home, but I’ve been so busy this is my first chance to sit down and write.

But that means I get to relieve the excitement I felt on the weekend! I DID IT! I did the Warrior Dash!! And I completed *every* obstacle. Some of them were a lot harder than others, but I did every single one. And I loved it. I think I managed to be one of the least bruised/injured as well! I escaped with only a few bruises. My fellow teammates had chipped teeth, sprained ankles, black and blue bodies, and plenty of heat stroke.

I went with a team of 13 amazing women and we had so much fun together. Our tshirt/headbands all said “Honey Badgers” and it seemed like we were the most talked about team of the race! Everyone was cheering us along, it was great. Along the way, we split up according to fitness level but whenever we saw each other on the track we would cheer “Go Badger” or “No Badger left behind” and other people would join in. If there was a team spirit award, it would have been ours!


Group shot! Before we got all sweaty/muddy
Nicknames on the back
Disclaimer: None of the pictures from the obstacles have me in them because I didn't want to risk my phone, but luckily a fellow team member (in the more fit group) brought hers in a plastic baggy so I've stolen those :)

Start: thank goodness we were in the 10am wave! It was hot enough as it was.
Most of the group at the start, waiting to start our run

*insert huge hill that was actually harder than most of the obstacles!*

Barricade Breakdown: Hurling your body over and under the various structures results in bruises. And if you're Molly, also a chipped tooth!

*back down, then UP the mountain again. Phew, we were tired!*

Valley Hurdles: I made up this name, because they didn't have it on the website. But it was sliding down a hill (not so gracefully on my part), jumping over cylinders and then the hard part: climbing UP the muddy hill on the other side.

Cliffhanger.. this picture was from a difference race, but same obstacle
Giant Cliffhanger: Use a rope to climb to the top of a SUPER steep wall then hurl yourself over the top and climb down the ladder on the other side. Getting to the top wasn’t too bad, but over? That was a whole other story! I probably didn't look graceful, but I eventually managed. Once “the girls” were over it was just a matter of pushing with the legs. I tried to helped my fellow Honey Badger over but with this obstacle there wasn't much you can do to help except get out of the way.

Dead Man’s Drop: Another wall - this time no rope! From looking at other races, I think we were supposed to climb up the ladders on one side and drop down, but they set it up backwards. We had to "jump" up the wall and use upper body strength to get over, but thankfully two strong gentlemen were there helping us short people over. This was the scariest for me, because I was appalled that people would have to lift me. I wouldn’t had to confidence to do it even 30 pounds ago! My upper body strength is pretty good, but it was difficult to pull my whole body up and over even with them lifting me. Those guys were a godsend. Just when I had decided it was too hard they pushed me up even further and I got it! Gotta love teamwork! And I didn't crush them - woohoo!

Disel Dome: Climb over a bridge that looks more sturdy from the ground! Slow and steady won the race, although it was mostly nerves that made it tough. It was high! And the space between the boards at the top was far.

Storming Normandy: Crawl under barbed wire! I was worried that between my big stomach and my butt wouldn’t fit but again, I didn’t need to worry! I fit. With room to spare!

Go Team Badger! 
Cargo Climb: Up and over. Loved this one, easy peasy!


Chaotic Climbover: This one was dangerous because as soon as you got your balance, people starting climbing over a different spot and it threw you off! Had to use more core strength to this than I thought I would.

Vicious Valleys: The name makes it sound much harder than it was. It was kind of lame to be honest, haha. But there needs to be a few easy ones tossed in!

Warrior Roast: I was hoping the flames would be bigger, but it was still big enough to feel the heat. It was great fun leaping over them!

Muddy Mayhem: My favourite one. Crawl under the barbed wire, through mud. The mud there was more a clay kind of mud, which was a bit sad. I had hoped I’d get muddier! It felt great to be in water after all of the heat though!
Found the rest of the group, showing off our medals! You can't really tell, but we're covered in "mud"
All hosed off and so proud of myself!

See, doesn’t look so hard eh? Who’s going to do it with me next year? I want to see how fast I can it! Michelle already said she’d be interested in the tough mudder up in Whistler! Who knows? I’ve got the fitness bug and I’m lovin’ it.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

What do you mean it's August already?!

I'm amazed at what a month of bootcamp and clean eating/Curves Complete has done for me. I spent a bit of time this morning going back and reading my older posts. It made me feel really good. Especially remembering how difficult that first spin class was for me. I wanted to give up and had to do SO many breaks. Last night I went down for the evening check in, not planning to workout since I had went to a noon class, but Jordana was there, having just signed up (yay!) and she convinced me to stay for the spinning class. It was with the same instructor as my first one, but this time I could actually keep up for the most part! And then this morning at 6am I did another spin class! My legs are feeling a little bit like jelly, but I love the feeling.

Plus, after 45 minutes of spin this morning she got us to run around the block - twice. And I didn't stop to walk, not once. My jogging may have slowed down a tiny bit at the end/hill, but I kept going. One month ago just getting around the block once was a painful experience.

The inside is changing too. Both physically and mentally. I enjoyed reading my posts about the post-Curves meeting semi-freakout, worrying if I'd be able to keep it up. I hadn't given it much thought over this month, to be honest. But this morning I did and I'm not scared any more. I really have changed the way I think. And I'm addicted to sweating, haha. I am pushing myself further physically every day, because I want to be able to do so many things. Climb a mountain. Ride a bike around town. Do a full push up. And I know that I'll get there. It's not an option anymore. It's just what's going to happen. My weight loss may slow down and get harder, but I won't give up getting stronger physically. I'm done with hiding my emotions in food. I will prove to myself that I am strong enough.

P.S. Warrior Dash in T-2 sleeps! Stay posted for pictures of me covered in mud! So excited.


Sunday, July 29, 2012

Cloud 9

I thought nothing could beat yesterday but then today happened! I'm on cloud 9 right now and just loving it. My super awesome happy list of 9 things to get me to cloud 9:

1) Got a really good nights sleep so showed up to bootcamp energetic and ready to rock!
2) Lost 3.8 pounds this week!! Meaning I'm officially down another decade - 91 pounds! Only 9 more to go till my big milestone!! It's probably at least a pound of hair that's gone after my haircut, but it's still great.
3) Laughed like crazy at Magic Brian's show, so awesome. Love the busker's festival!
4) Fit into a bra at La Senza!! Non plus bras/clothes are crazy cheap. Made my day. 
5) Had enough energy to walk home from downtown! All in all, walked 5 km today :) On top of 2 hour boot camp!
6) GOT A NEW PLACE TO LIVE!! The place is wonderfully gorgeous and I am so, so lucky. My wonderful, supportive, loving, former practicum supervisor is now my landlord and trusting me to keep her beautiful home in top shape so they can try selling it again next summer! 
7) Found out today that a close family friend (basically another Uncle) saw a picture of me and didn't recognize me! I forgot that he hasn't seen me all year. 
8) Had a super long, fun, lovely talk with Caroline via Skype!! And we promised each other that if one of us did the half marathon in October the other would too.. so it looks like I might be jogging/walking a heck of a lot to prepare!
9) Found out about an amazing deal at my bootcamp! So all of you in Victoria who have been following my blog - you can have great success too! I'm amazed at how much my strength and endurance has increased in just a month. They're offering a full one month unlimited classes pass for only $49. Both their indoor and outdoor classes.. so typical bootcamp, baby  spin, drills, kettlebells, it's all included. It's usually $200 so this is a steal of a deal! You have to buy it by August 4th (next Saturday) but you can use it for September if you're not in town/too busy in August. Make sure you mention me when you buy your pass - you may help to keep me in bootcamp another month!! 

If any friends want to do bootcamp in September with me but aren't on the Island right now, I can buy a pass for you if you want to email me the money. You won't regret it! Kick a$$ classes that are also fun! And with a staff that learns your name and a group of people of all shapes and sizes. And then you'll see me more too :) Check out their website for more info on their classes: http://www.bdhq.ca/

So yes. That is my day. Full of awesome. I feel like a giddy teenager or something. And now I'm headed to bed because I have to get up early-ish to try out a new "Killer Skills and Drills" class tomorrow. Gotta get points for the Olympic challenge at bootcamp!

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Feeling confident

Just a quick update today - I'm finally home with enough time that I'll get a decent night's sleep tonight! Yay! That means tomorrow I'll finally have a bootcamp class where I'm not tired before I even start.

Today was over all awesome. Had some really great, rewarding moments at work. Got a haircut and *finally* touched up my roots! Then I went to dinner with Jordana and Nicole and spent the night wandering around downtown Victoria checking out the Busker's Festival. It was so much fun and I haven't laughed so much in a long time. And then on the bus ride home I chatted up a cute exchange student named Malik. That's right - me, Susie, initiated a conversation with someone I thought was cute. Call me lame but it's something I've never had the confidence to do, so I am celebrating it here. 

Oh, and the best part about today?

I FIT AN XL SHIRT AT SMART SET!! Which means I can now fit into Ricky's, Smart Set, and the Gap. I've doubled the amount of stores that I can shop in, haha. I can't wait for back to school shopping. This is the first time that I've been able to look at a shirt and say "it fits, but it's not flattering enough so I won't get it." Usually there are very limited options at plus size stores so you just take whatever fits best. I'm looking forward to developing a style! With the help of all my fashionable friends who have promised to take me shopping! :) 

And because I had a geek moment and took these pictures.. I shall share them. I took them while I was waiting outside at the Starbucks. I had just left Smart Set and was feeling pretty good about myself, hence the pictures.
I can sorta cross my legs now! My thunder thighs are still a bit too big, so it's not the most comfortable position, but I will take it! And also, I loved my sandles, so they had to be included. I've spent most of the summer either at Curves (so workout gear) or actually working out, so I haven't worn a cute outfit with nice shoes in a while. It felt pretty damn good :)


I remember sitting in that exact spot over a year ago and my thighs touching against the edges. Not anymore baby! I had a bit of space on the other side too :)

Needless to say, I've had a wonderful last couple of days. It's been a tough month with all my family stuff, so it felt really refreshing to have the light hearted moments. Blondes really do have more fun :)

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Weekend Report Card

4 days away, 3 big family events, 2 different cities, 1 person trying to stay healthy:
Food: A- (would be an A but I did indulge in some treats and had a few days of only 3-4 meals)
Exercise: B
Water: C+
Family: A+++

I did it! I not only passed my “test” this weekend, but I actually lost weight! I’m down 1.4 pounds this week. I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with my family and didn’t feel deprived at all, which to me is even more rewarding than the weight loss. I ate when I could and the best that I could. I even had two small pieces of the mint chocolate cake on Saturday night! I didn’t let my emotions control me after my Grandpa’s service on Friday, which I am probably most proud of. We had to go straight to the ferry after the service and I was so disappointed to see that they didn’t have a buffet on the boat we were on. This meant I had to stand in line for about 25 minutes and be tormented by the smell of fries. Combine that with my heavy heart and all I wanted to do was stuff my face with sweet potato fries and a monty mushroom burger. Thankfully I was with my Nana and we pressured each other into getting the wild salmon dinners instead. I wasn’t completely satisfied, but I told myself that it would have to be enough. I kept all my promises to myself, other than the running two of the days. I only got out for a run once, but if you take into account all the setting up and clean up for the big party I still got exercise!

My other super exciting moment of the weekend was going shopping with my Great Aunt (the birthday girl!). She was a blast to shop with and we were both really successful at Reitmans! I found an outfit that was made up entirely of clothes on the regular side of the store! No plus size! See:

My new goal is to be shopping in all regular stores by the time I need a back to school outfit. I can do it, I know I can! :)

The one thing my body is not so happy about is that I am really sleep deprived. We were up super late every night, which my body is not used to anymore! I’ve also been away from home quite a bit lately. In the last three weeks I’ve been to the mainland 3 times and up to Comox once. Plus adding in bootcamp, so my days are very very busy! I think I need a day just to myself. To sleep in, clean for a couple of hours and then spend the rest of day doing nothing but reading or watching a movie cuddled with my cat. I can feel it in my work outs that I’m tired, which is getting a bit frustrating. Yesterday I didn’t even break a sweat on the Curves circuit because I was too tired to push myself. Unfortunately, my manager at work is out with a back injury, so I had to take over a couple of her shifts. 

Tomorrow is going to be the most interesting interesting day.. I'm working 6am-1:15, 3 hour break and then 4-8pm. Then the next morning I'm there from 6am-1:15pm again! Thank goodness I did a grocery run Tuesday morning. I have all my meals packed for tomorrow, except dinner. I don't have enough in my fridge to throw something together so on my 3 hour break I will do some meal planning and a quick grocery shop.


Because of everything that's going on, my day of relaxation probably won’t happen until August long weekend. Which is the same weekend as the Warrior Dash! Wow, that day is coming up quickly! I was concerned that I wouldn’t be ready for the Warrior Dash after only a month of bootcamp, but apparently I didn’t need to worry! Even though I’m not in top shape, I am amazed at how much my endurance has increased. I won’t be running for the full 5km, but I will be running for as much as I can! Before I started bootcamp I would run from my house to the mailbox and be super winded. Now I can make it a few blocks before needing to stop! I really pushed myself today at bootcamp with the running.. I love the feeling of sweat pouring down my forehead and my legs feeling completely exhausted. Now if only my core strength would improve so quickly...