It runs in the family

Didn't I say I'd be posting less this week? Apparently there are too many exciting things happening that I want a record of! Quick post today because I'm taking a break while there are no members on the circuit. :)

I said goodbye to my Mom this afternoon, which was sad. It was so lovely having her here. We had a great visit and and got lots of chatting time while we packed/cleaned. What would we do without family?

I am also SO proud of my mom! She came to bootcamp with me on Wednesday night and rocked it! It was a challenging workout too - pick your fav cardio for 3 minutes and then do 7 minutes of assorted kettlebells, ab exercises, TRX, chin ups, etc.. and repeat for an hour. She's a swimmer so I wasn't sure how she'd be able to do but she kept up with me rep for rep the entire time. My strong mama <3 My second cousin and I have been doing bootcamp together since I started so we meant to get a family picture of all 3 of us during spin this morning. Unfortunately we kept Chris up so late last night helping us move the freezer/microwave stand that he slept in. Since spin was out of the question, we went for a walk around the golf course instead. I thought about going back to sleep for an hour but I remembered last week a trainer saying "if you're getting up at 5am you might as well make it worth it," so we did! I offered my Mom a few short cuts along the way but she was determined to do the full walk that I usually do. I laughed because although she swims circles around me in the water - I've got her beat on land! I'm used to running the golf course now so it felt awesome to be able to walk the whole thing and not be out of breath.

By 7:30am we had already walked 5km and stretched for 15 minutes! Also, I've noticed as I lose weight I finally look like I'm related to my mom. Bonus! :)

If you couldn't tell, the highlight of my visit with my mom was having her come to bootcamp with me. I've fallen in love with both the workouts and the group of people so it was neat to share that with her. Now she understands why I look forward to going there 5 times a week!

P.S. One sleep left till moving day! It's going to be QUITE the workout tomorrow but I can't wait to be in the new place. I've got my food as planned out as best I can. I have some cut up veggies, boiled eggs and protein bars ready because I doubt I'll have time to stop and think about eating during the day. I am determined to see the scale starting with a "1" soon - moving won't stop me from reaching my goals!

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A regular shopping experience

Hot damn, no more plus size stores for this gal!! :) Not only did I fit into the clothes I tried on, but I'm officially a LARGE now. Not even extra large! When did that happen? I even fit into the jeans at Suzy Sheer! I've struggled with losing weight this month, but my inches are obviously still dropping. It felt so wonderful to be able to shop in regular stores. I honestly don't remember the last time I was able to do that. Grade 8? Maybe? Huge, huge thank you to Emily for all her help today! It was so much nicer to go shopping with a friend - and she finds the cutest things tucked away. Best shopping buddy ever :) And tons of love and thanks to both Karen and Emily for helping me go through all (and I mean ALL) my clothes and forcing me to part with the clothes that I once loved.. but are now tents on me.

Out with the old...

In with the new....

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Looking in the mirror

I had a moment this morning as I was getting ready. I looked in the mirror and my reflection gave me a start. Who was this confident, happy woman smiling back at me? And what is this definition that I'm starting to see in my face? They must be cheekbones, but I haven't seen them on my face since elementary school so they seem so foreign to me.

Not only that, the woman in the mirror is getting ready to go shopping. With a friend. To a mall. There will be no plus size store on today's schedule. I hope it won't be too difficult to find clothes that fit me.. I still think I'm borderline between plus and regular but today will be the real test. I'm a bit anxious about it, but at the same time hopeful that I've fine some things. My thighs and hips have definitely shrunk this past month with my ramped up training for the half marathon, so maybe my bottom half will finally fit into regular clothes??

Whatever happens today, I am proud of myself. I have worked so hard to be where I am today, and I am not stopping any time soon. I love this new side to me and being happy is so addictive. :)

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Breathing

It's amazing what a kick a$$ 6am workout can do for you! I really gave it my all in class today, even though I was super exhausted. My body quickly reverted back into the bed at 11, up at 7am schedule so my alarm at 5am this morning was not welcome. Thankfully class was mostly a circuit, with only a start and finish on the spin bike; my thighs were killing me after a week of running/biking. It's funny, some days I think I'm working super hard but don't work up a sweat and then others when I'm tired (like today) it's pouring off. It's always worth it though because now I am bursting with energy.

I feel as though I've had a very productive day already, and it's not even 10am! Love it. I'm on campus now about to pick up my books and agenda, but thought I'd take a break to do a bit of reflecting. It's bizarre how quiet campus is in the summer, it makes me want to sit down and take a few minutes to just breathe and think. If only the whole school year felt that way!

After my last practicum, I was a bit anxious about the start of school and wondering if teaching was really for me. There's still a bit of the uneasy feeling there, but I'm realizing it's not as predominant as it was before. I'm finding that once I can work through the anxious feelings, there's a real passion for teaching. I want to share my experience and knowledge with others. I need to get more experience and knowledge, but I don't want to let that overwhelm me any more. It will come. I am choosing to trust that I am right where I'm meant to be, and will continue to work towards where I want to be. I've changed a lot over this summer and it wasn't until I looked back that I could see that. I'm excited for the school year to start, not just to see all my friends again and for classes, but because I want to see how it all fits together. These past few months have been about learning about my strengths, my weaknesses, what I want to improve on and what I'm just fine leaving as is. One thing that is important for me is taking the time to relax and not be so incredibly busy all the time. To clarify, between school, work, working out, and spending time with people I care about, I am bound to be busy. But there is a difference between enjoying your busy life and being so wrapped up in getting to the next thing on the to do list that you are always in a frenzy. I may be out of the house for most of the day or have a good portion of my day scheduled, but I want to be calm about it. I want to enjoy my day (as often as I can).

Right now, I am promising to myself that I won't forget the small things I want to work on. Like taking the time to stop and feel the sun on my skin. Or taking 5 minutes a day to breathe and do a check in with how my body's feeling. I will drink tea and relax. I will take the time for fun. This is my last 8 months as an undergrad, I want to cherish it.

I also won't forget the big things, like working out and eating right. I won't be perfect, but I don't want to be. I just want to be me. I want to read books/blogs about being healthy body, mind and soul. I want to be inspired by my family and friends. I want to continue blogging. I want to make mistakes. I want to learn. There's nothing wrong with wanting everything right? :)

I am also reminding myself to be patient. Right now everything is so great, and it seems easy to think about taking the time to relax every day. But there will be days where that doesn't happen. I will have bad days and bad weeks. But those days will pass, and I will need to forgive myself and continue to move forward.

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Live Laugh Run

It was pointed to me twice today that I haven’t written in a week – oops! Thought I’d come give a quick update. I’ve been too busy living life this week to write about life. But I do enjoy blogging and I love having a record of my struggles and successes.

This weekend was fabulous for many, many reasons. In terms of health and fitness I couldn’t have had a better weekend. I’ve become one of those crazy exercise people. On Saturday I woke up, biked 2.5 km to work, went for a 6km run, showered at work.. all by the time I had to open the doors at 8am! Then I had a fantastic weigh in on Sunday – down 5.2 pounds!! And I even had fries and a frosty last week too… my last “treat” to tide me over before buckling down for the week/end of summer. I’m now only 4 pounds away from getting into ONEderland. So close I can feel it :)

I probably won’t be updating much this next week because I have so much going on. The things I’m looking forward to most:

1. Moving in 9 sleeps! Gotta get on that packing.
2. Organizing my room and the house of the new place. I’m getting rid of a lot of stuff this move, so I want everything I do keep to have a specific place. Here’s to being more organized and clean this year!
3. My mom’s coming to visit in 6 sleeps. It’s the first time she’s come to Victoria to just visit me, not because she’s helping me move or watching me during Youth Parliament. I’m so excited to get her all to myself for two days :)
4. School starts in 2 weeks. Yikes, where did summer go? But I can’t wait to see all my school friends again. And for Kelly to be back from vacation. I’m happy she’s relaxing and all that but I miss her.
5. Buying back to school clothes. The handy part about moving is that I can go through everything in my closet. Anything that doesn’t fit me is OUT. I might not have a very extensive closet come September but I’m determined that whatever I put on will make me feel and look good.
6. Just enjoying everything there is to life :)

Running update: Did a 5km with 5 and 1 intervals this morning. I’m getting stronger! I even made myself run up the huge hill because my phone said I still had 2 minutes left to run. It didn’t matter how slow I was going as long as I never stopped to walk. I'm not working this Saturday so I'll be joining the Run Club for another long run on Saturday - I hope I can keep up! It's harder to push myself when it's just me, but I am getting better at it. Right now my focus is being able to run longer without taking a walking break. 

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Motivation

I finally feel back on track. It's been a really rough two weeks but pinpointing why yesterday was helpful. All summer I've been used to working 1-8pm so I had no option to snack or eat unhealthy at night. I'd get home and just make my food for the next day, have some tea and go to bed. But now I'm home every night and it's far more difficult than I remember it being. And when I'm by myself, it's so easy to just eat bad food. It was realizing that I counted on other people being around that helped turn my head around. I can't be the person that only eats healthy if friends/roommates/family are around. I need to accountable to *myself.* I decorated the front of my food journal with a picture of the half marathon course and the quote "If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you." It definitely helped with my motivation yesterday!

Also yesterday was just a fabulous day so I didn't want to eat unhealthy food that would make me feel frustrated at myself and ruin my high. Had such an inspiring, motivating day at work followed by meeting my soon to be new third roommate, buying a bike (and finding it EASY to ride around on!), getting $3000 in scholarships from school, a kick a$$ workout last night where I pushed myself as hard as I could, and then getting to hang out with Nicole at home. Like I said, fabulous day.

I'm so stoked for September. Living in a beautiful new house with two awesome roommates, seeing all my school friends again, training for the half marathon and some great contests/events happening at work. And I've started looking at the Education section of pinterest again.. perhaps my passion for teaching is building back up again? :) So in love with life right now.

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Go big or go home

I'm publicly announcing my next goal:

I will be participating in the half marathon on October 7!

Ahh, it seems so much more real now! Just a few months ago it was my plan to take care of my step niece while my sister and her boyfriend ran it... but now I will actually be running beside them! Well, by running I mean a combination of running and walking much behind them! It's not about how fast I do it, it's for that feeling of accomplishment that I'll have when I'm done.

I am committing to training to work my way up to 21 km. I'm looking forward to it more than I thought I would. There are times when I freak out and think "how the heck can I think of doing a half marathon with all my jiggly bits and huge ass!" but I've mostly quieted that voice. I know if I train hard and keep up with my current level of fitness, I should be just fine. And plus this focus should help me to continue losing weight - meaning a smaller butt and less jiggly bits! :) A group of gals from bootcamp have been running together the past month and finally this past Saturday I was able to join them. I told myself if I could run the 10km then I would start prepping for the half. And then I ran 10 km in an hour and 25 minutes, with 4 minutes and running and 1 minute walking intervals. Not amazing, but not bad for my first ever organized big run, haha! Apparently I'm not good at the starting small and working your way up kind of thinking. It wasn't easy, that's for sure, but I did it. And didn't feel like completely dying at the end!Not bad for a girl who got winded running to the mail box 7 weeks ago :)

Because I'm making running more of a focus for this next while, I also decided to start shelling out the dough to get the proper equipment. I'm off to Peninsula Runners today to purchase new shoes, running socks and a running stop watch! Followed by sports bra and running outfit once student loans come in. :) My Visa has also been working out pretty intensely this summer, but I am at peace with spending money on things that are helping to enhance my life so much.

Huge thanks to both my sister, Caroline and the BDHQers for giving me the encouragement to do this. I've got 53 days to whip my running into shape the best I can! Here I go!

Snapped a picture after I finished my first 10km run!

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Making a U-Turn

Weight’s up this week, which although it annoys me doesn’t surprise me. It’s frustrating that I was up even though I worked up a sweat for at least 45 minutes every day last week. It just goes to show that it doesn’t matter how much you exercise, if you don’t watch the food intake, nothing will budge.

The other annoying bit is I wasn’t even that bad and I still gained a whole pound. I didn’t stuff my mouth with chocolate, cakes or decadent food at all (to be honest the only reason I didn’t is that there wasn’t anything bad in my house TO eat). But if I had, at least then I’d have still have delicious taste memories to relive. Nope, after reflection, this is what I’m blaming my weight gain on:

1) Switching from afternoons to mornings at work was harder than I thought. I am just not designed to wake up at 4:30am every morning. Between 5 and 6 I could handle, and even learn to enjoy.. but before 5am? Not for me. It spent all week trying to be in bed for 9pm but never seemed to make it there before 10pm.

2) Not sleeping enough = hormones out of whack = tired = bad food choices. I had so many more cravings this week than normal. The only two unhealthy foods I had left in the house was a fiber one granola bar and a batch of hot chocolate mix. (note the paste tense) One night this week I actually spent 5 minutes searching the pantry, in disbelief that I didn’t even one thing stashed away somewhere.

3) Not having enough vegetables on hand. I’ve been having a lot of fruit as snacks.. yogourt and fruit at work and then fruit smoothies in the afternoon. Which yes, fruit is healthy, but there’s still tons of sugar in them. So I’m going to go back to fruit with breakfast and only one snack. I made my own hummus yesterday so I’ll cut up all sorts of veggies to go with it.

4) Not eating enough. My eating schedule was thrown off and in my attempt to “be good,” I tried to fight against my cravings. That usually ended up with me caving and eating frozen grapes, hot chocolate or fried eggs. Which in the long run isn’t the worst for me, but when you’re eating that an hour before bed…

5) I also wasn’t tracking my food properly. I’d right it down, but usually not until the next day. Then I’d look back and think “Oh, of course I was starving at 7pm!” If I had just had a salad or a snack rather than trying to convince myself my hunger was just boredom, I’d have been much better.

6) Having my life revolve 100% around weight loss. July was so busy with family and running around that I didn’t have time to think and was just on autopilot making good choices. The past two weeks I’ve had more free time but I realize it didn’t seem like I did. If I wasn’t working at Curves or working out, I was reading weight loss blogs, reading books about food, searching for recipes or cooking or washing dishes from all the cooking/eating. It was too much and I’d like to have a better balance in my life.

Basically, it was all rookie mistakes that I’ve done before. But I’m not going to let it derail me from my goals. It was a good learning week :) And now my head’s back in the game.

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Food for Thought

I'm reading a fascinating book right now, called Food and Fuel: Solutions for the Future. It contains chapters from various smart sounding people writing about energy and food scarcity. I won't deny that some of it is above my head and I may have skipped a few chapters to the ones that actually interest me, but I am really enjoying what I am reading.

The chapter that spurred my thoughts the most so far is called "Diet for a Smaller Planet: Real Sources of Abundance." I know enough to feel guilty every time I have to throw mushy food away, thinking of all the starving people in the world. This chapter really hit home though, on just how big the gap is between the hungry and the over fed, all over the world. Some of my favourite quotes:

"Most glaring of all is that our food crisis is not a crisis of scarcity. We already produce enough food to feed the world. In fact, we have grain alone to provide nearly 3,000 calories per person."

"No, the root of the tragedy is not the scarcity of food; perhaps it has never been. Rather, hunger is caused by a scarcity of democracy."

"And in the Global South, India - a country with all the normal trappings of democracy - has the world's greatest number of hungry people. Half the children under the age of four suffer from malnutrition, while surplus grain pours out of over-full warehouses."

"Worldwide, we now feed almost half of all grain to livestock that return to us in meat only a tiny fraction of the nutrients we feed them."

Reading this book reminds me of how young I am. And how little I know of this world. I am longing to travel and see other cultures and see the devastation in the world. The devastation is a strange longing, I know. But I want to experience these things first hand rather than reading about them in a book. I want to spend less time worrying about how my ass looks in jeans and more time on what really matters. I also want to gain a better appreciation for what I have. I know how fortunate I am, with my iPhone, my own housing, my cat, my access to education.. but I don't really know. I've never had to live without these things. I've always had a roof over my head and a loving family to support me with what ever I need. I'm tired of the way things are right now. I want to change. I want to see the world and have it change me.

Selfishly, I've also thought a lot about how it's added another layer to why I know I won't ever go back to what I used to do. I used to gorge on whatever food I could, eating so quickly I could barely taste it and eating so much that I felt gross afterwards. But I really only need a certain amount of calories to keep my body functioning at it's optimal level. I've been doing really well this past year, and especially this past month, at having 5 small meals a day. But lately I've been feeling hungry between those meals as well, looking up at the clock and counting down to when I can eat again.

I need to stop that. I need my life to stop revolving around food. There is so much more to life than that. Reading books like this one reminds me how trivial my worries are. It doesn't mean they're not important to me, but it helps to remember that it's not the be all and end all. Who the hell cares if I eat something I'm not supposed to? Or if my clothes show off my newly found curves enough? Definitely first world problems.

I don't think I'll ever get to the point where food doesn't matter at all because, let's be honest, I love food too much. I enjoy all the new tastes as I experiment with recipes and new foods. But I would like to stop looking at the clock, waiting until I can eat again. I want food to be the tool that helps me live my life and give me the energy to accomplish the goals I've set for myself, not completely take over my day.

I can't wait to graduate and start my travels. It's going to be a tough year, but I hope I don't get too caught up in life/school/practicum. What I'm really looking forward to is taking my teaching certificate and having it open doors for me to teach in other countries. I'll probably have to teach in Korea or somewhere similar so I can pay off my student loans first. Ideally some time in my 20s, I'll be financially stable enough to travel where I want to, and volunteer in various countries. Half Sized Teacher teaching around the world and gaining a new outlook on life? Now that sounds like a damn good plan.

Also a good plan... actually getting to bed by 9pm so I don't feel like throwing my phone at the wall when it goes off at 4:30am. Ah well, I'll be better next week! Then it's back to afternoons at work :)

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Warrior 2012!

I meant to post about the Warrior Dash as soon as I got home, but I’ve been so busy this is my first chance to sit down and write.

But that means I get to relieve the excitement I felt on the weekend! I DID IT! I did the Warrior Dash!! And I completed *every* obstacle. Some of them were a lot harder than others, but I did every single one. And I loved it. I think I managed to be one of the least bruised/injured as well! I escaped with only a few bruises. My fellow teammates had chipped teeth, sprained ankles, black and blue bodies, and plenty of heat stroke.

I went with a team of 13 amazing women and we had so much fun together. Our tshirt/headbands all said “Honey Badgers” and it seemed like we were the most talked about team of the race! Everyone was cheering us along, it was great. Along the way, we split up according to fitness level but whenever we saw each other on the track we would cheer “Go Badger” or “No Badger left behind” and other people would join in. If there was a team spirit award, it would have been ours!

Group shot! Before we got all sweaty/muddy

Nicknames on the back

Disclaimer: None of the pictures from the obstacles have me in them because I didn't want to risk my phone, but luckily a fellow team member (in the more fit group) brought hers in a plastic baggy so I've stolen those :)

Start: thank goodness we were in the 10am wave! It was hot enough as it was.

Most of the group at the start, waiting to start our run

*insert huge hill that was actually harder than most of the obstacles!*

Barricade Breakdown: Hurling your body over and under the various structures results in bruises. And if you're Molly, also a chipped tooth!

*back down, then UP the mountain again. Phew, we were tired!*

Valley Hurdles: I made up this name, because they didn't have it on the website. But it was sliding down a hill (not so gracefully on my part), jumping over cylinders and then the hard part: climbing UP the muddy hill on the other side.

Cliffhanger.. this picture was from a difference race, but same obstacle

Giant Cliffhanger: Use a rope to climb to the top of a SUPER steep wall then hurl yourself over the top and climb down the ladder on the other side. Getting to the top wasn’t too bad, but over? That was a whole other story! I probably didn't look graceful, but I eventually managed. Once “the girls” were over it was just a matter of pushing with the legs. I tried to helped my fellow Honey Badger over but with this obstacle there wasn't much you can do to help except get out of the way.

Dead Man’s Drop: Another wall - this time no rope! From looking at other races, I think we were supposed to climb up the ladders on one side and drop down, but they set it up backwards. We had to "jump" up the wall and use upper body strength to get over, but thankfully two strong gentlemen were there helping us short people over. This was the scariest for me, because I was appalled that people would have to lift me. I wouldn’t had to confidence to do it even 30 pounds ago! My upper body strength is pretty good, but it was difficult to pull my whole body up and over even with them lifting me. Those guys were a godsend. Just when I had decided it was too hard they pushed me up even further and I got it! Gotta love teamwork! And I didn't crush them - woohoo!

Disel Dome: Climb over a bridge that looks more sturdy from the ground! Slow and steady won the race, although it was mostly nerves that made it tough. It was high! And the space between the boards at the top was far.

Storming Normandy: Crawl under barbed wire! I was worried that between my big stomach and my butt wouldn’t fit but again, I didn’t need to worry! I fit. With room to spare!

Go Team Badger! 

Cargo Climb: Up and over. Loved this one, easy peasy!

Chaotic Climbover: This one was dangerous because as soon as you got your balance, people starting climbing over a different spot and it threw you off! Had to use more core strength to this than I thought I would.

Vicious Valleys: The name makes it sound much harder than it was. It was kind of lame to be honest, haha. But there needs to be a few easy ones tossed in!

Warrior Roast: I was hoping the flames would be bigger, but it was still big enough to feel the heat. It was great fun leaping over them!

Muddy Mayhem: My favourite one. Crawl under the barbed wire, through mud. The mud there was more a clay kind of mud, which was a bit sad. I had hoped I’d get muddier! It felt great to be in water after all of the heat though!

Found the rest of the group, showing off our medals! You can't really tell, but we're covered in "mud"

All hosed off and so proud of myself!

See, doesn’t look so hard eh? Who’s going to do it with me next year? I want to see how fast I can it! Michelle already said she’d be interested in the tough mudder up in Whistler! Who knows? I’ve got the fitness bug and I’m lovin’ it.

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What do you mean it's August already?!

I'm amazed at what a month of bootcamp and clean eating/Curves Complete has done for me. I spent a bit of time this morning going back and reading my older posts. It made me feel really good. Especially remembering how difficult that first spin class was for me. I wanted to give up and had to do SO many breaks. Last night I went down for the evening check in, not planning to workout since I had went to a noon class, but Jordana was there, having just signed up (yay!) and she convinced me to stay for the spinning class. It was with the same instructor as my first one, but this time I could actually keep up for the most part! And then this morning at 6am I did another spin class! My legs are feeling a little bit like jelly, but I love the feeling.

Plus, after 45 minutes of spin this morning she got us to run around the block - twice. And I didn't stop to walk, not once. My jogging may have slowed down a tiny bit at the end/hill, but I kept going. One month ago just getting around the block once was a painful experience.

The inside is changing too. Both physically and mentally. I enjoyed reading my posts about the post-Curves meeting semi-freakout, worrying if I'd be able to keep it up. I hadn't given it much thought over this month, to be honest. But this morning I did and I'm not scared any more. I really have changed the way I think. And I'm addicted to sweating, haha. I am pushing myself further physically every day, because I want to be able to do so many things. Climb a mountain. Ride a bike around town. Do a full push up. And I know that I'll get there. It's not an option anymore. It's just what's going to happen. My weight loss may slow down and get harder, but I won't give up getting stronger physically. I'm done with hiding my emotions in food. I will prove to myself that I am strong enough.

P.S. Warrior Dash in T-2 sleeps! Stay posted for pictures of me covered in mud! So excited.

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